The following essays get gold stars because they are just too awesome.
This gets a gold star because I managed to do a project on my favourite musician when I was supposed to be doing legitimate research. I instead ended up looking at sixties fashion books in the school library while other students were reading about presidents and the economy.
This gets a gold star because it is awesome and just needs to be read — it’s only one page. Plus the fact that like a week after I handed it in and showed it to all my friends, we had a very serious assembly by a guest speaker with a PowerPoint presentation entitled “The Story of Bob”.
This gets a gold star because this essay has absolutely nothing to do with Paul McCartney. PDF view necessary.
This gets a platinum star because it was the greatest bullshitting in the history of bullshitting. I found no information on the poem I was assigned to analyze and present to the class (or even the author, with such a common name). I told my teacher about my concerns, but she (unsurprisingly) didn’t answer my questions, which forced me to do the only thing I knew how to do: make it up. I stood in front of the class and, very seriously, explained the extended Superman metaphor as they took notes. I answered questions from the teacher, who obviously didn’t know a thing about the poem or author herself. This was seriously one of the greatest accomplishments of my life.